Will of the Ancestors
by bofomania
Summary: Shepard just met Tali on Freedom's Progress. Of all the people in the galaxy, he had to cross path with her on the first day out of coma/death? Come on! Such a stupendously improbable event has to mean something, no? At least, that's what Tali thinks.


This story is centered on Tali and how, just after Freedom's Progress, she may be dealing with the revelation that Shepard is alive, on a new mission, and wants her in his team. It is written in another character's point of view. I took this opportunity to speculate on possible quarian cultural/spiritual aspects.

Sory for the hefty author's notes... Just can't resist it! The story itself is not far below so jump to it directly if you don't like my ramblings...

There is not much information in the codex about quarian spirituality aside from the fact that they practice a form of ancestor worship. Trying to go a little further, I thought a cult of ancestors could imply (or be related to):  
1- Importance and strength of family ties, kinship  
2- Respect for older people (I mean serious respect! Not just helping granny cross the street)  
3- Strong parental authority (goes hand in hand with no. 1 and no. 2)  
4- Rituals/ceremonies to honor dead relatives and ancestors in general  
5- The concept that ancestors may inspire, guide, or maybe even influence the course of events...  
6- 4 and 5 combined would lead to offerings to the ancestors, as part of a 'call for their help'.  
7- Some superstitious practices, for example: looking for "signs" from the ancestors when taking a decision.

Trying to imagine how a different species might live, culture and all, on a collection of ships of varying size and population (from shuttle size to huge liveships) is not an easy task and I can probably just skim the surface of the question, but some elements to be considered:  
1- There must be minimal criteria in terms of size and facilities for a ship to be considered a home, a place to live. Obviously, a shuttle won't do. What determines the status of a ship as a home instead of a temporary job-related posting may very well revolve around families: are there facilities to allow for births and the rearing of children?  
2- Resources being limited, most people would probably stay put on their own ship most of the time. You travel from ship to ship only if you have good reasons to do so (food and other deliveries, pilgrimage, officials including Admirals needing to meet, technical experts for repairs, etc). I would suppose the Fleet to have a well developed Intranet and a lively virtual community.  
3- People mostly staying put on their own ship would probably lead to every ship developing its own 'culture.' This was explained by Calinstel in his/her '_To Survive_' series. But the family ties to other ships, the movement of people coming and going due to pilgrimage and the Fleet's Intranet would likely prevent these 'cultures' from straying too far from the mainstream.  
4- Larger ships (population of several thousands) probably have a stiffer 'social order' as they would allow people to be more specialized , to occupy narrower 'niches.' Smaller ships need a more flexible crew, each member able and willing to occupy different 'niches.'  
5- What is considered polite (or the opposite) in quarian society? The high density of population could lead to a natural avoidance of any behavior that would be perceived as noisy, agitated, taking up too much space, etc… Also, the scarcity of resources could lead people to frown upon anybody showing 'careless' behavior. Politeness would thus result in people being careful in their gestures, avoiding the wear and tear of friction (thus, dragging one's feet would be a major 'faux pas' among quarians – pun intended).  
6- Like any society, there must be 'niches' that have to be filled on each ship. Hence the role of leader on a quarian ship is assumed by the Captain. There must be other 'niches', filled more or less formally: the healer, the priest (wisdom or spiritual expert), etc…

To fill the role of 'wisdom' or 'spiritual guide' on quarian ships, I came up with the concept of the ship Elder (Not to confuse with the clan Elder in Calinstel's '_To Survive_' work). Other synonyms might be the Wise One, the Sage, the Scholar or the (somewhat derogatory) Ancient. The ship Elder would be a 'wisdom experts' that have been recognized as such by other crewmates, maybe a mixture of priest/chaplain, social worker, psychologist. Considering the great variation in the size of the ships and their population, I don't think the title of Elder would be obtained through a formal process or after having followed a specific training. They would be good people that others seek out for counsel, to intervene in disputes, for spiritual guidance or other philosophical problem. They would tend to be older individuals that have some knowledge of the traditions, would 'officiate' at ceremonies, lead prayers and such. In ships that are big enough, there could even be several Elders and they could be working together or even be rivals… (the latter could lead to comical or dramatic situations). I suppose the role of ship Elder would be transmitted more or less formally from one person to another, in a gradual way, as time goes by (?a form of apprenticeship).

Tali, my version of the character at least, is not particularly religious and not really superstitious. But she is the product of her culture. I imagine her meeting with John Shepard on Freedom's Progress would have left her quite confused. Seeking to sort things out, she would naturally look for help among people close to her. Her father of course is unavailable, her auntie Sala'Raan is also an Admiral and quite busy… so she might turn to the Neema's Elder for guidance and discussion…

* * *

Will of the Ancestors

Sitting on his favorite cushion, Yani'Loras vas Neema had his eyes closed and was thinking of Cian, his late mate. In his mind, he could see her again coming back from the trade deck with two old cushions and a piece of brand new fabric. 'I will make sure your behind is comfortable when you sit with your troubled crewmates' she had said in the borderline-sarcastic tone she usually used when teasing him. In short order, using the filling from the smaller cushions, she had made this larger and better looking one, and had put the remains away for recycling. The cushion was one of the few physical reminders she had left him with. He shifted on it a little, his old bones finding slightly better support. Every time he used it, he felt he was honoring her. They had lived for a long time together and they had been happy, in a quiet kind of way. He missed her terribly, but the younger ones on this ship needed him... and the memories of her helped him along.

As the ship's Elder, he was entrusted with the care of his crewmates' souls. Wouldn't do if I was the one to break down, he often told himself. His services were sought by all, from soldiers to scientists, young and old, healthy and sick. He was called upon to comfort the dying, to partake in prayers, to help in settling disputes, and all sorts of other matters. Maybe he was Ancient, but he was not yet an Ancestor, he sometimes said self derogatorily as he tried to put at ease the ones seeking his guidance. These functions were occupying most of his time, but he did not mind. He loved his people and was always ready to help. He did not hesitate to go out of his way, especially for the younger ones, those whose duty it was to carry the quarian people into the future.

He glanced at his chrono. She was a little late, but he had reserved all his evening for her. As he continued waiting patiently, he noticed the relative quietness. For once, nobody was standing in line on the other side of the somewhat ragged blue and gray piece of cloth that hung in the doorway, marking the entrance to his humble dwelling. There was no shuffling feet, no whispers as those waiting to see him exchanged greetings or other comments.

After a while, a faint knock on the doorframe pulled him from his musings, followed by a voice softly calling "Yani'Loras? …Wise One, are you there?"

Ah! There she is, he thought, smiling as he recognized the voice. "Yes. Please come in."

One side of the curtain moved, gently pushed away from the doorframe, just enough for the slender shape of the young quarian woman to pass through, with economy and respect. With satisfaction, Yani noticed that the cloth had barely rippled.

Once in, she dipped her head, looking at the ground in front of her feet "Thank you, Wise One… for accepting to see me on such short notice."

He looked up at her and nodded, still smiling. This one was more courteous than most, and he had taken to her right away when she had been greeted on the ship, freshly back from pilgrimage. "Being the Neema's Elder is a heavy charge…" he began in a serious tone, watching her reaction, shoulder slumping as she obviously misinterpreted his unfinished phrase "… but having you here is a boon to my old soul. Truly, I am the one who will benefit from this meeting, if you may pardon such selfishness." He now saw her straightening again as the meaning of the whole phrase sank in.

The formula he had just used was an old one, practiced and honed over a long time. It was one of his many old tricks, and it worked every time, putting his visitor into a good but slightly guarded mood. In this case however, he had not been lying. He knew the depth of what had troubled her when she had been back from pilgrimage, and felt a deep sympathy for her. The stories she had told had been quite entertaining too. Few pilgrimages, if any, had been as eventful and traumatic as hers. His own had been so bland in comparison; touring major spiritual sites of asari and hanar space and bringing back some of these species' wisdom had been risk-free… if one excluded the hanar preachers' constant attempts at converting him…

Although the thought was uncomfortable in its selfishness, he truly felt that one minute of listening to her easily redeemed several hours of having to listen to some of his other visitors. Shuddering, he thought of Kala's nightmares or Selm's perpetual ranting against the unfairness of the food distribution system. There were also the rare but always exhausting meetings with Admiral Gerrel... But the very worst were the ones claiming to have received a sign from the Ancestors. There was a new one every few days, and he often found himself trying to explain why the shape of a smear of nutrient paste spilled on the floor was not a sign of anything else than somebody's clumsiness. At other times, it was the shape of a nebula seen through a viewport… or the meeting of two persons having the same name or any other mundane coincidence. In a few severe cases – fortunately he could count them on the fingers of one hand - he had been in the obligation of referring the delirious individual to the medical service. Most of the time, however, his job was to make sure nothing bad would result from a crazy interpretation of the 'sign.' It did not really matter if the sign was true or not, although some of his colleagues on other ships were trying very hard to come up with ways to identify true signs. All he really had to do was to calm things down and help the receiver of the sign in finding an interpretation that was satisfying to him/her and the rest of the ship's crew. He had a knack for this, and things usually worked out well.

Shaking himself out of his spell, he brought his attention back to the present and to his guest, who was still standing and looking at the ground, obviously uncomfortable with his abnormally long silence. Chastising himself for his carelessness, he said "I'm sorry, Tali'Zorah… I seem to get lost in my thoughts more often lately… Please, sit down…"

"Thank you, Wise One."

As she sat on another cushion in front of him, he could not help but comment "I haven't seen you in a while, young one… " He had missed her entertaining and sometimes challenging conversations.

Respectfully, she held her gaze on the ground between them both as she answered "Yes, and I am sorry for that, Yani'Loras… I have been busy with so many missions lately… "

Looking at her with more attention, he was not at all surprised by the way in which she held herself, clearly showing her distress… He had known, when receiving her request earlier in the day, that she would probably want to talk about what happened on her last mission two days ago. Of course, he had heard the rumors… her team had apparently been decimated and some were saying Cerberus had been involved. He had never seen real combat, but he was intimate with the reactions of people losing close ones, family or friends. More losses, he thought... He knew she had suffered great losses before… there had been her mother, and then there had been the loss of a very close friend who had helped her during pilgrimage. The alien name easily came back to him… Shepard, the human hero who had been with her at the battle of the Citadel. He had made a deep impression on the young woman and his disappearance had left her deeply shaken. Looking at her, he was under the impression that all the progress she had made since he had first met her was now lost. He shook his head slighty as he remembered how serene she had seemed during their last conversation.

But he knew she was strong and, despite her apparent restlessness, he felt it was his duty to go through his usual quasi-ritualistic opening enquiries to set the tone of the meeting. Got to respect the traditions, he thought.

He asked his first opening question. "Have you taken time to honor the Ancestors?"

She nodded, and answered formally. "Yes, every day I thank the Ancestors for having guided us this far."

He stifled a snort as her answer set his mind on another sidetrack. He had no illusions anymore; many young ones only paid lip service to the traditions and the Ancestors nowadays, despite the persistence of many of the practices. And this one, Tali'Zorah, was one of those he and some of his colleagues on other ships called the skeptics. He remembered their long discussions. She was logical, obstinate, and he had come to respect her sharp mind as they had argued. He remembered one of her first questions back then… it had been about Shepard… She had asked if he could be considered as having joined the Ancestors, and if she could call on his help to guide her again as he had when alive. She had reacted so strongly when he had tried to explain how the only ancestors quarians could count on were their own… He shook his head slightly again, remembering how this issue was still unresolved. It had been – and still was – a challenging question and, somehow, he was grateful to her for that. Complacency in one's beliefs was a trap, and the energy he had put in the argument had definitely made him feel younger for a while. At least, he thought, even if she had no strong belief in the spiritual contents of the traditions, she seemed to understand their importance in the life of her people and was willing to follow their outward aspects. That was good enough for him; he was a pragmatic Elder after all.

Time for my second opening question, he thought as he realized he had lapsed into another long episode of introspection. "Have you been true to your words, to your duty and, in so doing, honored your family and clan?"

She nodded, saying "Yes, at all time…"

He noticed her increased agitation as she answered, unable to keep her calm as she waited for his third and final question, which was the one that opened to the main part of the meeting. Obliging her, he went ahead without delay. "So… You who come looking for guidance… In what way would my humble wisdom be of help?"

She chuckled nervously as she shifted on her cushion and looked up at him "…I'm sorry to disappoint you, Wise One… I mean… I know how you hate it when people come to see you for that…"

He looked at her, wondering what she meant. She seemed more agitated by the second, but he clearly heard a hint of happiness in her voice… And this only added to his growing confusion.

She seemed to gather her courage and then looked at him again "I… I think the Ancestors sent me a sign…"

He almost swallowed his tongue at that. What he felt was mostly… surprise. He had not seen this one coming, especially from her, one of the brightest of the Neema's crew. For a few moments, he did not know what to think. Surely this is a joke. How else could this reasonable and skeptical one come up with something like that? Recovering, he decided to adopt a serious but cautious approach, encouraging her to elaborate. "Hmmm yes… surely you remember what we discussed before, concerning signs… It must be something that cannot be explained in any other way, something that truly stands out…"

She interrupted him "I know… but what happened on my last mission… I mean… It's so incredible…"

He did not notice her impoliteness, struck as he was by what she was expressing. There definitely was some distress, but there also was a kind of… happy excitement. That was unexpected. He could not remember having seen her like that. Wasn't her team decimated just days ago? Her attitude makes no sense, he thought. Shaking his head, he raised a hand to stop her rambling and said "Please, Tali… maybe you should tell me what happened. Start from the beginning of your mission."

With some hesitations at first, but then with more details and emotions, Tali explained what had happened as she and a team of marines went to investigate the fate of a lone pilgrim on a small human colony named Freedom's Progress. He was astonished when he heard of her old pilgrimage friend, the human Shepard, having been brought back from death by none other than Cerberus. Then, there was Prazza's mutiny. Using her omnitool, she even showed him part of a video feed where Shepard was taking on a huge security robot, saving an injured marine in the process. Yani's only exposure to combat had been during his short training period before pilgrimage, long ago. Admittedly however, despite his inexperience, the scene was quite impressive. She then told him how Shepard saved the pilgrim – who had witnessed the attack on the colony by collectors – from Cerberus' clutches.

When her story was finished, he looked at her, truly impressed. The rumors had only been partially right. Apparently, Cerberus was not to blame for what happened and Tali's decision to collaborate with them had been the right one considering how things turned out in the end. Somehow, the mutineers had been punished as they deserved. "Undoubtedly Tali, the most unusual things seem to happen along your path. I now understand your feelings better… But tell me… Where do you see a sign from the Ancestors in all this…"

She looked straight at him and replied without hesitation. "He has been brought back from death… Not only that, but I'm the first one of his old crew he met, and on the first day of his coming back to life… All this by what appears to be pure coincidence… On my way back to the fleet - and I repeated the calculations last night when I could not find sleep - I estimated the probability of us meeting like that by chance, and the number I obtained is so ridiculously small… I could only think that this had to be the result of the Ancestors' intervention… a sign…" She stopped and looked at him, waiting for his reaction.

For a moment, nothing could be heard but the usual background noise of this part of the Neema's living space.

"I must say…" Yani started, trying to find the right words "…I must say that what you described truly stands out and appears quite improbable… Maybe it is a sign." Watching her, he saw how she reacted to his words, her back and neck straightening in excitement. He knew however that it was important to plead for calm and reason. Eagerness was good, but only in small doses. Other possible explanations had to be ruled-out. "However, have you thought of the possibility that Cerberus may have arranged this… meeting?"

She shook her head. "I thought about that. They could not have known I would be there… For that, they would need to have a spy on the Admiralty board… this is impossible. Then there is the attack by the collectors… This has nothing to do with Cerberus. Also, the Cerberus terrorists that were with Shepard seemed surprised to see my team and I… and they were clearly unhappy when Shepard recognized me… No, I have discarded that possibility."

Trying to find another way to explain everything, he said "Are you sure this 'coming back from death' makes any sense? Maybe Shepard lied to you?"

Again, she shook her head "I trust Shepard more than anybody else. He would never lie to me… And even if I was wrong and he did lie to me, it cannot explain such an incredible coincidence."

He looked at her. Maybe this really was a sign. It certainly looked the part… But there was no way to tell for sure. And even if it was, what were the Ancestors trying to say? In principle, he thought, the person receiving the sign was the one that had to find its meaning. Looking at her, seeing her restlessness as her need obviously had not been met, he asked "So, let's admit for now this could very well be a true sign from the Ancestors. What do you think is their message? What do they want you to do?"

Her shoulders slumped again and she looked on the ground, her hands nervously dancing around one another in her lap. "I was so shocked when I realized who was there, right in front of me… alive... I did not know what to do, how to react… I… I took refuge in my role as the leader of my team and I tried to be professional… Then, when Veetor was secured, he asked me to come with him and I… I refused… I could not just leave everything… I mean I had given my word to the Admirals that I would be on another mission…"

Yani interrupted her rambling again with his raised hand. He took a few seconds to gather his thoughts, then said "So… You think the Ancestors wanted you to go with him… and that you acted wrongly by not doing so?" He saw her nodding at him slowly. Obviously, she had wanted to follow the human in his new mission, but her sense of duty had kept her from it. He felt better now that understood her inner conflict. He knew how to help her. "Tali… What happened on that planet does stand out as extraordinary, as a true sign from the Ancestors should be… If this truly is the result of the Ancestors' intervention – please note that I said 'if' – then they obviously have put some serious effort and thinking into it." He noted that she was looking intently at him now, listening with all her attention. He was old - some said he was wise - but he knew his 'wisdom' was more a kind of empathy, an ability to tell people what they needed to be told… He still was not sure the Ancestors really had had a hand in this… but she was convinced of it and that was all that mattered in the end. Looking back at her, he continued "The Ancestors know the proper order of things… they know that duty and respect of our given words are what keep us as a people. You have respected your word, fulfilled your duty… and in so doing, honored your family, your clan and the quarian people as a whole. Clearly, the Ancestors would not have expected you to go with Shepard right away… No, if it was truly a sign from the Ancestors, I believe you did exactly what was expected of you."

Tali was still listening but her agitation seemed to have lessened considerably, to Yani's satisfaction. Obviously, his explanation made some sense to her.

"I get it, Wise One… You're saying that the Ancestors have sent me a message, shown me the path…."

He nodded "Something like that… What were you planning on doing anyway?"

"I was thinking of sending the Admiralty Board a request to be reassigned to Shepard's ship after my next mission."

Completing her tasks before acting on the sign, he thought. An acceptable course of action. Nodding at her again, he said "This would seem to be in accordance with the sign... And I don't think anyone can seriously argue against the righteousness of this human's quest, despite Cerberus' involvement." Seeing her reaction, he knew that, again, that was exactly what she had wanted to hear.

Happier and visibly more relaxed now, Tali rose from her cushion. "Thank-you Yani'Loras, you've made my heart lighter and I can now go and prepare for my upcoming mission, knowing that I am fulfilling the will of the Ancestors."

Hearing this, the Elder shuddered. Overconfidence could be disastrous, he thought. He was not a man of action in any way, but he was old and had witnessed much… "Tali…" he called as she was moving toward the doorway.

She stopped and turned to him, waiting for him to speak.

"Beware, young one… The Ancestors may have indicated the path, but you still have to do the walking… Just be careful where you put your feet along the way…"

There was a brief moment of silence as the two quarians looked at each other. Tali's stance shifted slightly, her resolve visibly increasing. She then nodded to him, turned and moved out.

Again, the blue and gray curtain hanging in the doorway barely rippled in her wake.


End file.
